She Waited 20 Years And He Still Didn't Marry Her.

Picture Courtesy Of Pixabay


She was young and beautiful, he was the debonair older man and they met at a social event.  They made eye contact and he was hooked and she was too.  

Their relationship started very fast, she was only twenty years old and he was thirty-nine years old and he saw her as the spicy young thing that he had prayed for. 

 Secretly she had always had a thing for older men but she was ashamed to let her friends know. In her mind, she could hear all the laughter that they would make if they only knew.

I am going to call her Diane.  Diane started staying away from her friends and they didn't know why, why because she knew that they would tell her family what she was doing. 

 This man wined and dined her and there was nothing financially off-limits to her.  She saw this as the perfect set-up but what she was soon to find out, her debonair boyfriend had a family, a wife, and four kids.

  Diane found this secret out while looking through her boyfriend's pants pocket and she saw a picture with his cute but older wife and three older kids the last child was only seven years old.

Young, sexy Diane tried to convince herself that she could live with this situation after she confronted her boyfriend and as many years passed she remained complacent in a relationship that was a sinking ship.  

It took five years for the wife to find out what was going on but she decided that she wanted to stay married to her cheating husband.  This man-made so many promises that he was going to leave his wife and marry Diane but it never happened.

  She got so tired of being alone during the holidays and never fully being a part of his life and she spent twenty years of her life trying to please him so that he would see that she was worthy enough to become his wife one day.

This beautiful lady wasted her youth on a good for nothing liar and her beauty started to fade, it faded quickly because this old man stole her youth, he stole her happiness because of his own selfish needs. Guess what?? He doesn't really want Diane anymore but she keeps hanging on because she feels like she cannot do any better. 

 If you are like Diane, really think about this story because being with someone's husband will lead you on a road of lies and destruction.  They always say they will marry you but they won't.

You are worthy of a chance to get married and have the family you have always dreamed of and that will only happen with someone who is single and ready to make a commitment.  Never waste time on a sinking ship!

Picking My Battles Wisely.

I have had some things to confront this week that I want to talk about.  Someone tried to get me upset and was really wanting me to argue with them over something trivial. 

 I told the person that I didn't have the time to argue and it didn't make any sense to waste time on something that she was actually supposed to do and missed the mark.  A lot of times, people try to cover up their mistakes by putting the blame on you when it was their fault.

There will be a time in your life when you will decide that all battles are not yours to fight and I am too grown to have to deal with people's insecurities. 

I have no idea why we as women have a problem with dealing with past hurts and feel as if they have to strike out at someone.  What is wrong with talking like a human being and finding out what the problem really is instead of looking for a fight or argument.  Animals act in this manner.

We really have to change as women and as African American women we need to learn how to deal with people in a professional manner.  Yes, I said professional because this person works in a professional job and she has been slacking for months now and she doesn't want anyone to call her out.

Please pick your battles wisely, everything is not a reason to act in such a negative manner and if you make a mistake, just own up to it. You will go a lot further in your career and in every area of your life.  Life is just too short for foolishness. 

He Wants Me But He Doesn't Want Our Child.

Image Courtesy Pixabay
Anonymous Question:  Hello, Ms. Sasha.  I have been on and off with this man for about seven years and we have a five-year-old.

 He will not have anything to do with my child during our off periods.  Looking for excuses to find every opportunity to see me; he also spies on me coming and going from my home.


  I have no idea what he is looking for or waiting to see.  He can be very sweet and then other times he will turn on me.

  We have an only child and when he is in my life, he treats her very well but when we break up, he treats her like a stepchild and I am so tired of him and his immaturity.


SashaMoniqueTalks:  I am going to come on out and say that this is a very strange relationship because he is trying his best to control you and he is acting immature with your child.

  She has a right to be loved by both parents without conditions.  She is an innocent party in this whole situation.

 He chooses to spy on you because he is jealous and he knows that he isn't acting as he should.  Think about the negative message this is sending your little girl, that it is alright to not contribute one hundred percent to your family and she may choose a man in the future who will not be committed to her or her children and that is a bad message to give a child.

  She will also deal with feelings of rejection.  I cannot tell you what to do in your relationship but it sounds like you are really tired of the way it is going.

 Tell him how you feel and if he isn't willing to change, then it may be time for you to walk away for good.

Old Doors Must Be Shut Closed ( Friendships And Relationships From The Past)

Image Courtesy Pixabay

A very close friend from my past decided to get in touch with me and the friendship was going well but it has hit a snag lately.

 It is no fault of mine but it could be expectations that weren't fulfilled and due to family obligations and her work obligations, we didn't have a chance to really enjoy ourselves in our friendship.

 I want to say that friendships from the past are very hard to reconnect because your relationship will never be the same as when you were a child because you are now a person with a lot of different things going on at the same time.

 I am okay with my friend not being available because with her schedule it is very hard to put a time together where we can have some fun time.

I would like to say that I don't think you should open any old doors from your past because they usually don't do well.

  Sometimes people contact you out of the blue for their selfish needs and after they have gotten what they want from you, they are now finished with the friendship.

Never will I again trust someone from my past and if I do see them, I will talk to them but will not try to restart the friendship because time is very important to me and I do not have it to waste.

God separated you from that person for a reason and it is best to walk in his obedience and you will be a happier person.  A lesson learned!

(Video) Loving Your Flaws

No matter how attractive you are, we all have flaws.  Some are seen but some are only seen by you but it is still something that bothers you.  Below are videos of people with flaws and how they overcame them.

I Am Secretly Getting Married Next Week.

Image Courtesy Of Pixabay
Anonymous Question:  Hello, Sasha.  I am getting married next week and I haven't told my family and my fiance hasn't told anyone in his family.

  I do not have a great relationship with my mom and dad because they never acted like they cared anything about me.  I feel invisible in my family.

 My sisters are in their own little world and they really could care less.  We are going to Las Vegas and we are talking about moving to Philadelphia.  Right now, I live in Chicago and there are not a whole lot of jobs here.  I  have been looking to make a new start.  I need your advice.


Sashamoniquetalks:  First, I want to say that I am happy for you but I think that you should give your mom and dad a chance to see you get married.

  At least talk to them about it.  You didn't tell me your age but If you are eighteen and over, you have the right to get married if you want to, but the negative energy that will occur if you do not give your family a chance to see you married would be long-lasting.

  You sound like you made up your mind and I wish you well in your marriage.

I Want To Get Married And I Want A Beautiful Ring!

Hello, Ladies. I had a conversation a few years ago with an acquaintance of mine and I am sure that she is okay with me sharing this.  She is forty plus and she has never been married.  She is a wonderful, God-fearing, and respectable lady, and she would be the perfect catch for any man.  She has dated some men and she knows exactly what she wants.

She asked me why I wear rings and who bought them and I told her that some were bought by other people and some were bought by me.  She then asked me why I would buy my own and I told her that, at my age, I cannot wait for someone to give me the gifts that I can give myself.

I have been married, so I was quite alarmed that she even asked me this question but I know that she was just asking a question.  She then said that she was waiting for the big, beautiful, diamond ring that would come when the right guy finds her and asked for her hand in marriage.

She then asked me why I don't just wear the rings on my right hand and I told her that, at my age, it doesn't really matter what hand I used to display my rings.

I am going to keep it real here and say that a lot of us are waiting for a dream that may not come true.
If you are forty years old and over, you should just buy the beautiful things that you want to wear and that fantastic diamond ring that you love and enjoy it.  The man of your dreams will still come if it is meant to be, even if you are wearing diamonds.

Some of us ladies are separated or divorced and we may not even be looking for another relationship but I want you ladies to keep looking good for yourself and spoil yourself if it is within your means.

A statement ring, bracelet, or necklace doesn't have to be expensive.  Never put your happiness on hold because you are waiting for love.  Live now, because tomorrow isn't promised.

Put some money aside and buy that big beautiful ring that you want and wear it with pride.  Love yourself because nobody is going to love you more.

How To Deal With A Stalker.

                                                   How To Deal With A Stalker

Hello, everyone.  There are times that we meet people and right away we have a feeling that this person cannot be trusted and may even have some dangerous tendencies.

  We second guess ourselves and soon we find out that we are in a serious situation and are faced with a stalker.  I have been in this situation and it isn't pretty at all.

  You have to look over your shoulder and also have to deal with the constant phone calls asking you where you are and the threats against you and your family members.

There are many things that you can do and the first thing you can do is change your phone number. If you are getting any threats, please call the police and file a report and get a restraining order.

 Make sure that you tell everyone in your family that you are dealing with a stalker and don't worry about being embarrassed.  If you brush this off, you may not have a chance to save your life.

  Your family should know where this person lives and any information that would be important if something happens to you.  Do not try to cover up for this person, because your life is in danger.

If you met this person online, report the profile and let the website know that this person is dangerous.

 Save all emails and text with the threats that this person made and give copies to your family members so you will have all the proof you need to get this person prosecuted.

Develop a code name if you must call your family discreetly so they will know that you are in danger and they can get you some help.

  Please do not meet up with this person and entertain them at all because this will give them hope that you will remain together.


Note:
Some stalkers are not known but you can still report anything unusual to the police and get an investigation started in this matter.

 Again, save all emails and text so you will have all the proof that you need.

If you have followed all the above advice and this person is still stalking you, you may have to move and get and use a mail forwarding service. Protect yourself!

Grandpa Wasn't Here But Now He's Here.

Image Courtesy Pixabay

He was tall, dark, and handsome.  He had the gift of gab that could curl any girls toes. His wife was kind and gentle.

 He was a father of many but barely around.  His little boys cried every night because he was in and out and more out than in and they felt rejection at every turn.

  A real father he wasn't. One of his kids was very hardworking and his father was too proud to show his child love.  A pat on the back or a gentle hug was badly needed

Years passed and grandchildren were born.  Mr. PaPa was proud and larger than life.  His grandchildren were his world as his son grimaced when PaPa showed the grandchildren love that he didn't have.

   I guess PaPa thought it was a way of making up to his children if he showed the grandchildren love but that child that just wanted his father to pick him up or tell him that he loved him still needed the love and care that was missing.

This is a lesson to anyone.  Love your children because you can never get the precious day's that were stolen from them

.  You cannot love your kids through the grandchildren because this is unfair and a hug and an apology is all that is needed. It is never too late to do better.  Show love and it will be returned a thousand times.

My Best Friend Had A Child By Another Man.

Anonymous Question:  Hello, Sasha.  My best friend has a twelve-year-old daughter, and she has been married for fifteen years.  Her husband is a very good man and this is their only child. 

 He has no idea that the child isn't his. I want to tell him but I don't want their marriage to break up.  I even know the child's "Real" father.  He has a feeling that this little girl is his but he said that he would be responsible for child support if he gets a DNA (what a low life!). Should I tell the husband?

Sashamoniquetalks:  I think you should stay out of this because it is really none of your business.  You said that she is your best friend and it is not your duty to turn on her.  

In due time the husband will find out but right now this child has a father who really loves her.  Do not break this child's, heart.  The "Real" father doesn't sound responsible and he may do this child a disservice. 

You Wanted Me Dead!!!!

                                                        You Wanted Me Dead!

You made your appearance and I thought you were perfect.  Moved very fast to catch my attention but you already had your devious intentions. 

 You played the game so easily to catch me in your web of deception.  You sought me out because you thought I was pliable and could be molded into anything that you wanted.  Never were you concerned about what my dreams were.

Barefoot and pregnant was part of the plan.  You wanted to manipulate me and I walk behind, not thinking that this queen had God by her side.  I questioned him and couldn't find the answer but little that I knew he guided my footsteps. 

 Battered and broken was my name and he took my hand and gave me courage.  Courage to break free of your devilish scheme. Free to live and free to love.

No longer in your prison that you had planned for me. No longer in the grave that you dug for me.  I am free, never to return to you.  You wanted me dead but now you lay in your own coffin.

Today Is Mother's Day But Need To Get Something Off My Chest (Father's)

Hello, everyone, today is Mother's Day and it is a great day for us mothers who have worked hard and reared our children.  I have to say this Ladies and Gentlemen, it is hard to do it alone.

  I have done it and I would not wish it on my worst enemy but sometimes you have no choice in the matter.  Life throws a curve ball and you have to deal with the hand that you are dealt.  

I want fathers to realize that just because your ex is out of your life, gives you no excuse to not support your children.

He or she may be grown now but they are looking for encouragement and support and even advice from you.  Don't think that they are looking for financial support because that may not be the case. 

Think about the times that your dad took you to play ball or told you that you were doing a great job.  They also had to scold you from time to time; It supported your growth as an adult and as a human being.

Maybe your daughter wanted you to walk her down the aisle or give her advice.  Your nonchalant attitude is not an excuse to totally zone out of her life. 

 Yes, she is grown but she needed that hug, she needed that message to just hear the right words that only you could give.  She wanted to see you hug that beautiful child that she brought into the world. 

 Her scars are there and again mommy has to come with the handkerchief to wipe the tears from her face.

Do you have a heart, heck no!  Your concern is only about you as it has always been. The missing puzzle that can never be found, the voice that is silenced.  The realization that time is of the essence because mortality has no warning.  This is something to think about you guys but not only think about it but do something about it.  Time is not on your side. 

~Why Is She So Ratchet?????~

Anonymous Question:  Hello Sasha, My mom is 17 years older than me and I love her so much but I have one problem, she likes to dress younger than I do. 

 Some of her outfits are really outrageous and she likes to hang around my friends.  My mother was a mom very young in life and she is trying to make up for the lost time.  I am so embarrassed by the way she is acting.  My friends like to be around her.  I just want her to be my mom.  Why is she so ratchet?


SashaMoniqueTalks:  I have seen many of these kinds of mothers when I was growing up and they tend to be a lot of fun but I understand what you are saying.  

Take your mother shopping and explain to her that you don't like the outfits that she is wearing because they are not appropriate.  She probably is afraid of looking old for her age, but, you can find her outfits that are classy and sexy without being clothes that a teenager would wear. Enjoy your mother because she is young in spirit and I am sure that she loves you.

Fun and some Funny!

How to find a good man.

Hello, Ladies.  A lot of you want to know how to find a good man and what characteristics are associated with a good man.  Below you will see different videos speaking on this subject.  Watch these videos and also take notes.

                          Steve, Where Can I Find A Good Man?

                          Steve Harvey's Advice For Successful Women Who                              Can't Find A Good Man

                            How To Find A Good Black Man

                    The Qualities Of A Good Man- Dr. Myles Munroe                                                                                                                          

 

How Could You Do That To Your Child (Commentary)

Image of girl on a swing courtesy of Pixabay

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen.  This week I don't have any questions to answer so I decided to speak on some subjects that I have seen or heard throughout my life.

I have known people who have had children in their teens, and of course, it was a mistake but they decided that they were going to work and go to school in order to improve their lot in life.  These ladies left the state where they were living and moved to an area that is known for having job growth and their intentions were to make money to send back home, to take care of their children that they, unfortunately, had to leave behind.

These ladies go out and find a job and they honor their obligations and send money back home but over time, they will start to disassociate with their children because they want a life of their own.  They will start to meet men and get into a new relationship.  Many times, the man will not know that these ladies have children till a lot of time has passed.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Unfortunately, the woman usually gets pregnant again and this time, the man is willing to marry them and the young lady will see this as a great opportunity to live a more secure life, but wait, what happened to the child or children that they left behind?  They usually have to continue to stay with grandparents or other extended family members.

The man who married the woman is not willing most of the time, to let the children from the previous relationship come and live in their home.  This woman has given up all her hopes and dreams of being involved in her children's lives.

  She played Russian Roulette with her kids because she honestly was more concerned about her happiness.  Her intentions were to get herself together but she slowly fell into a selfish trap of me, myself, and I.  Her kids didn't matter even though she told them that they did.

I have seen these women in action and most of the time they will have many children with their husbands but will never accept the child that they left behind.  How Could You Do That To Your Child!


Man portrait courtesy of Pixabay

The message in this post is, to stay true to yourself, and follow through with your plan.  If you cannot afford to raise one child then you should not have anymore.

  You are playing with someone's life and screwing up their mental stability because you were not woman enough to mother the children that you already had.  You fell short and you definitely should be ashamed of yourself.

It is never too late to redeem yourself.  If you didn't raise your children, reach out to them and sincerely tell them that you are sorry.  Invite them into your life and never let them go.

~Secrets, Secrets, And Lies They Tell!!!

                                           Secrets, Secrets, And Lies They Tell.

You walk around with a big Kool-Aid smile making sure that everything looks alright to the outside world.  You think you are hiding because you were taught to be strong when sometimes being strong is being weak. 

 You are weak because you are not being real with yourself.  Everything from the outside looks perfect when perfection seldom, exist.

Smiling and grinning when all Hell is falling around you.  Scared to look anything but perfect is your cross to bear.  Everyone knows your secret and the jig is up. 

Scared to fail, scared to shed a tear in public when your heart has been broken numerous times.  You imprisoned yourself without a sentence because you have been in jail since forever.

I don't know why you put all this pressure on yourself because you are loved.  You are loved by the people you are trying to impress.  These are the people who were willing to hold your head and your hand when you cried.  They were here all the time. 

 You didn't trust them because of the way you felt about yourself.  It is okay to be vulnerable because we all have.  Secrets and lies result in brokenness and pain.