Learning How To Adjust After Being In A Bad Relationship Isn't Easy.

Ladies and Gentlemen.  I don't have any questions to answer today so I decided that I would talk on this subject about "Learning how to adjust after being in a bad relationship.

 At some point in your life, you will be met with a relationship that has never bought you any happiness and also a lot of confusion. Boy, have I been there?  It always starts the same. 

 You meet this person and he is attractive and easy to talk to so you decide to go on a date and the night, is just magical.  He wines and dines you and you two have great conversation and for a few months or more, he is the only man for you until you find out that this man has a lot of secrets.

 He hasn't been open or upfront about "Anything" that he has told you.  You asked him about his family or children and as usual, they never have children or they just have one and then later you will find out that this joker is the father of six children that he is not taking care of.

Sometimes you have invested time with this man and will let it all slide because you feel that you are in love with this man. And that is the wrong thing to do because the lies will continue.  

There are always signs such as; being always on his phone, strange calls in the middle of the night, stories that don't add up and never having any money.

It almost seems like you need a freaking college degree to find out the do's and what you should not be doing while navigating your way in a relationship. I have spoken on numerous occasions about using self-help books to see what you need to change in order to have a successful relationship.

You don't have to take a course regarding this subject unless you want to.  Knowledge is power and the more we learn, the more we know.  Educate yourself on this subject.  Here are some books that may be helpful to you.

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
How To Have A Successful Social Life: Through Better Communication and Relation
Relationship Workshop: How to have a successful relationship that lasts
The Right One: How to Successfully Date and Marry the Right Person

He Stayed With The Other Woman On Valentines Day (Update)

Anonymous:  Hello, Sasha.  I have an update on the question that I had on Valentine's Day.  I told you that my husband stayed with the other woman on Valentine's Day and I am so happy right now because I told him that I was unhappy in my marriage and he didn't give me the respect or the attention that I needed. 

 I could not take it anymore and I asked him to move out.  I felt sad for about two weeks but Sasha, I am so relieved and I have been going out with my friends and really having a good time.  Wasn't aware of how tied down I was.  

He asked me to let him come back home and he said that he really loves me.  I flat out told his crazy behind that I will never let him come back and I am glad that he is gone. Some other opportunities have opened up for me in my career and I am happy about that.  Ten years is too long to be miserable and I got my life back.


SashaMoniqueTalks:  I am so surprised to hear back from you. So glad that you took the steps to fix this situation and happiness and contentment is very important.  That is great news about the opportunities that has opened up for you.  You are no longer tied down and you are free to live and be happy. Wishing you the best blessings and please stay in touch with me.

Vinegar is great for you!

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen:

I have Eczema and I have been affected by it since I have been on this earth.  The itching and breakouts are enough to really drive me crazy.  I have been on so many medications throughout my life and have had the steroid shots and those really make me gain major weight. 

 My Dermatologist even told me to stop taking showers and baths and I have to say, it is out of the question because I love to be clean and smell clean.  

Then she turned around and told me to just bathe in clear water and I started to do that at night only.  I was having a small improvement in my Eczema but nothing significant.

I started researching on the internet and I saw numerous articles regarding bathing in Vinegar.  Over the years, I already knew about rinsing your hair in diluted water and vinegar and it helps with keeping the tangles down and it creates a healthy environment for your scalp. 

 For the last three years, I have incorporated cleaning with white vinegar in my home. I have noticed that my bathtubs and tiles are so much cleaner and brighter.

 Vinegar is the best for your chrome and mirrors.  So let me get back to this bathing in Vinegar thing.  It is really helping me with soothing my irritated skin and I will keep using it to let you know how it is working but right now, I am extremely happy with it.

 I add a cup of Vinegar to my bathwater and after I bathe in it, I immediately apply my medicated creams from my doctor.  If you have been using Vinegar for cleaning or for health, please leave your comments down in the comment section and let me know your results.


You can get Heinz White Vinegar Distilled - 128 oz

You are trying to get pregnant to trap him

Throughout my life, I have known women who meet a man; who is tall dark, and handsome and they make up in their mind that they will get this man and they try to find a way to hold this man down.  

They start manipulating their birth control so they can get pregnant.  Most of these women know that this man does not want any children but they are willing to get pregnant anyway because if they cannot keep him, they will have his baby.

Some of these men have told these women that they better not get pregnant and these women still get pregnant anyway.  I have never seen any of these situations work out because a man should have a right to decide whether he wants to be a father or not. 

 If he is using birth control methods to try to prevent pregnancy and you manipulate his choices, then you will be alone and you will have to live with the decisions that you made.

I Want To Relocate (Now!)

                                                      I Want To Relocate Now!

Anonymous Question:  I am thirty-five years old and I want to relocate because where I currently reside, there are not many opportunities. The problem is, that my parents are elderly in their mid-seventies.

  They are set in their ways and will not travel.  I want to move for a better life.  I would be moving about twelve hours away.

SashaMoniqueTalks:  I would move if there are any siblings that would check in on your parents every day but if you are the only one that your parents can depend on I would say no because your parents need you. 

 Have an open and honest conversation with your parents to see if they will change their minds and relocate with you and another option would be for you to move but not so far away.   If you are two to three hours away, it would be easier to reach your parents if a crisis occurs.

Moving Past Pain And Shame In Your Life.

Today, I decided to do a post instead of a question and answer segment.  Moving past pain and shame is something that needs to be talked about.  A lot of us have had terrible things happen to us and the secret pain that we hold in our hearts is sometimes unbearable. 

 We have to grin and bear it to make the outside world comfortable. Comfortable why? because people don't want to see or know the truth about your journey.

We are shameful because of things that were inflicted on us.  I ask God every day (Why I have to carry this burden.) The burden that wasn't mine but was forced on me.   Trying to move on is very hard but you have to choose happiness. 

 You will never forget the things that you have gone through but God gave us life and what we do with this life will determine the outcome.

In my African American community, we are taught not to talk about abuse or the people who took it upon themselves to torture our souls but I feel that the person who found it easy to abuse and takes advantage of us should be the one who carries life long of shame. 

 The best thing we can do is talk about this situation with someone we trust to release these issues of they will tear us apart emotionally.

We have to stop covering up for someone who is downright evil.  They should be the one who carries the scarlet letter instead of us.

Getting Hit On By Foreigners Because Of Immigration Policy (Commentary)

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen,  I was shopping today in the major shopping area in my town and I was hit on by a man and he was making all kinds of promises about what he would offer me if I were to date him. 

 I found this strange because most men from this particular country do not approach black
women in my town.  I will not reveal the country this man is from.

I went into another store and as I was walking out the door, another man hit on me and was trying to ask me some very personal questions.  I ignored him and kept walking. 

 Walking down the street the same thing happened and I am aware of what is going on.  These men are looking for a golden ticket into America because of the Immigration ban. 

 I want you ladies and men to be very careful because there are many people looking to use American citizens and I am a person who isn't prejudiced at all but I do believe that people should come into this country legally.

I strongly believe, that if you are hard-working and honest, you will be a good fit to live in America but to use American citizens to get into this country and be a detriment to our economy and the well-being of this great country is not something that we need. 

 I am pretty sure that there are some people who are willing to work hard and do all they can to be in this country legally and I am sure that Americans are okay with this.

I will not give these folks the time of day because they are users and looking for the easy way out.  All I have to say is (Keep on Walking).

Everybody Has Family Rifts But You Can Recover And Move Forward.

Most of us have family rifts and disagreements and sometimes we have problems moving forward.  If the rifts last too long, it can be extremely hard to recover and time can past that none of us can get back. 

 There are times that we let our pride get in the way.  I think the older you get, the more stubborn you get and set in your own ways.  Happiness is within reach if two people can just learn to sit down and talk about the things that went wrong in the relationship.

I have had these situations happen to me as well and it gets very tiring and it kills your spirit.  I believe that therapy is the best way to learn how to communicate in an effective manner.  Some of us don't have the time or our insurance may not cover these therapy sessions.  I know that there are some that have a sliding scale payment and this can make it very affordable. 

 In the meantime, there are ways that you can work on yourself and that is through self-help books.  I am a fan of these kinds of books because you can read them on your own time and you can privately address your personal issues.

I would like to suggest this book if you are interested and you can get it here.  This book is very informative and you will definitely learn better ways of coping and moving forward.

He Was Prince Charming, But, I Didn't Know It! (Story Time)

                                  He Was Prince Charming, But I Didn't Know It!

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen. Here is a storytime for you; from time to time you will find out more about me.

I was a young lady and after going through a terrible breakup, I ran into this man and when I first saw him, I was not attracted to him.  He kept gazing into my eyes and I said to myself " He is weird as heck."  I loved tall, dark, and handsome men and he was only tall. lol. 

 We became friends and I was purchasing a table set from one of his friends; I was in the basement looking at the set and some other items and I heard him tell his friend "  I love her man.  If she let me, I will treat her like a queen."  I had only known this man for two and a half weeks.

I came upstairs and his friend was looking at me weirdly because he could tell I knew what my friend said.  Acting like I didn't hear anything, he put the table in his car, and on the way taking me home he said, " I know you heard what I said but I really mean it." I told him it didn't make sense and I wasn't looking for a relationship. 

 He said, "Please give me a chance" I know that you have been through a lot and I promise that I will not let you down if you  just love me for who I am."  We stayed friends and two months later we started seeing each other. 

 Honestly, I still wasn't interested in him.  He would take me out to eat and also come to my house and cook breakfast or dinner for me he would buy me nice things; mind you, he wasn't a wealthy man.

This man was so sweet to me and I wasn't used to that. He showed me plenty of attention and affection.  He acted like Prince Charming but he didn't look like it.  We spent many years in our relationship. 

 We broke up but we still remained friends.  What I want you all to know is, looks aren't everything.  Share your life with someone who truly loves you and who will put you first. 

If you are broken from a failed relationship or marriage, please get some help for the issues you have so you can find happiness and love. Don't block your blessings!

That man you feel nobody wants may be the man who will hold your heart carefully in his hand and will never disappoint you. 

 He was the best thing that ever happened to me and I wish him nothing but much love and happiness in his life.  Sometimes you will only get this opportunity once in a lifetime but if it ever comes my way again, I will never let it go.

Update:  As of October 2021, this man passed away.  This is a lesson not only to me but to others.  Don't let true love pass you by because life is short. Don't ever take love for granted because you will always carry a permanent pain in your heart for the person who loved you but you weren't ready for it.

He was Prince Charming, but I didn't know it.

You Have Loved And Lost, But, Next Time It Will Be Right.

                                                Miles Jaye, I've Been A Fool For You.

I posted this video because this song just brings back so many memories.  A lot of you will remember this song from the TV show, "A Different World."  It is beautiful and heartfelt. 

 You may be going through a loss of your own and it will take a lot of strength to carry on,   Life is very uncertain but in its uncertainty, there is a lesson to be learned. 

 In a relationship, what you see is what you get.  If you are being taken for granted or cheated on, just know that there is someone who is ready and willing to be the man or woman that you need.

Don't waste your time on people who are not sure whether or not they want to be with you.  Life is short but be sure that you acknowledge the part that you played in any negativity in the relationship. 

Give yourself time to heal and then be open to love.  Love yourself and spoil yourself.  When the time is right, love will come back around, it always does.

He stayed with the other woman on Valentine's Day.

Anonymous Question:  Hello Sasha, I have been with my husband for ten years and he only spent two Valentine's Day with me since we have been married.  He spends all his time with his other woman and he leaves and stays a few days.  He likes to start an argument every time he leaves, what can I do?


Sashamoniquetalks:  Hello, this a very sad situation.  Your husband is showing some signs that he doesn't respect you or your feelings.  I am sure that he loves you but he wants his cake and eat it too. You need to have a serious talk with him about your future and if he won't talk, you may need to text him or write him a letter.
You have been married a long time and you don't deserve this treatment.  I am not going to tell you to leave your husband but take this time to work on you and make yourself happy. When working on yourself you will find the right answer that you have been seeking and he will see a new change in you.

Please let me know how this situation turns out.

How To Deal With A Liar

Image Courtesy Of Pixabay

                                   How To Deal With A Liar

All of us have come across people who stretch the truth and we brush it off but this person can be really dangerous.  You will not be able to believe anything that they say.  Some will tell you a story with a straight face and they always had a sob story to gain your confidence.

  They have no trouble asking you for money and they are always looking for someone to finance their latest pursuits.

How To Deal With A Liar:
When you find out that this person is a habitual liar, cut all contact with them if you can.  If they ask you for money, firmly tell them NO!
Closely, evaluate what they are telling is fact or fiction. 

 Treat this person like a Leper even if it hurts their feelings.  Do not invite this liar to family events because they are known to cause arguments with other family members.

A Liar is a thief:
I was always told that if a person lies he will also steal.  This means, if this person is in your home you will have to guard your valuables.  Never leave them alone in your home.

Bottom Line:
Liars are meant to be discarded like trash and you may care for them if they are family but you cannot continue to waste your time because these people are detrimental to your health and they are psychopaths.  

To All Hypocritical Fat People (Plus Size)

I was watching a talk show this morning and a plus-size host stated that most of her boyfriends are much smaller than her.  You surely have a choice who you want to date but I have heard many plus size women say that they absolutely would not date a fat man. 

I am a plus size lady and we have, to be honest with ourselves; if we want a man to find us attractive, we cannot be so one-sided.  I think it is a prejudicial to put all fat men into the undesirable category because it is not fair.

When a man fat shames us, we call them a pig and a fool but we should extend the same to fat women who speak negatively about fat men, Honestly, if you think they are funny looking, maybe you are funny looking too. Would I date one?  Yes, and I have and this man was a wonderful person.

I am starting to see some prime time shows who feature super plus size men and women and I think this is a wonderful thing because plus size people would not have their own show or they always had to be portrayed as a desperate fat woman or a funny fat man. 

 We have come a long way and I love the prime time television show "This Is Us."  In the near future, our children will be able to see some positive role models who are plus size.  Remember (plus size people) will always be with us, so why not embrace plus size models, actor and people in our everyday life.

He Was On Top Of His Game ( Blind Item)

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen.  Here is a blind item for you.

There is a male singer who has a fantastic voice.  Went to an event back in the late 1990s and this singer who was at the top of his game was standing near the wall and nobody would talk to him or acknowledge him.

  I was embarrassed for him because his songs are very famous and have even been featured in major movies.

There were many other stars in the room at the time and they wouldn't even talk to him.  He has a really strong voice and you would know his voice anywhere.  I don't have any of the details why everyone was treating him this way but it is really sad.

Other entertainers were asked to come up on the stage to have a jam session and a well-known Guitarist took the stage along with other singers and still no one ever mentioned his name.  This singer stayed till the party was over but I think I would have left early.

I was even surprised that he didn't even have a date with him.  Talking about a brush-off, that was the ultimate!

Is It Wise To Stay Friends With Your EX?

Is It Wise To Stay Friends With Your EX?

It depends if you had a terrible breakup where you could not talk to this person and they have done very bad things to you in the past.  You must take into account all the things that led up to your breakup. 

 If there was any kind of abuse I would say "Don't Do It!"  You will cause yourself so much pain and suffering.

If this man is in a relationship at the moment, I would tell you to leave him alone because you do not need the drama that will ensue from calling or texting this Man. 

 I have stayed friends with people I was dating in the past because maybe it wasn't such a bad breakup or we have more things in common as friends.

If you can talk to this person and don't have any romantic feelings for this Man, you can chat with him and sometimes go out to the movies and etc.  Do not sleep with this man because you do not want to stir up old feelings that are meant to stay buried.

Be honest with yourself and if you enjoy talking to this person, stay friends.  He may even be able to introduce you to a nice person you can date.

Should I Go Back To School?

Hello, everyone.  A good friend of mine asked me this question and I decided to answer it here.  My friend is in her late 40s and she has five kids ranging from the age of 10 to 23 and she works full time.  

She wants to go back to school to finally get her degree.  She found out her job is going to be laid off and she said that she plans to go back to school, while she is on unemployment.  She asked me whether or not she is too old to be going back to school.

I would never tell anyone not to go back to school because it is great to have an education but I feel that if you have to take out student loans, you will have to pay those back and it can cause hardship. 

 If you are getting reimbursed by your employer it would be worth it.  You are not too old to finish school but it is very important to get a degree in a field that have lots of jobs such as the medical field because we do face a lot of age discrimination when we are in our forties or fifties. 

There are a lot of middle-aged people who decide to start their own business after getting their degree and it is a great idea.  You are the only person who will know whether or not it is financially feasible to go back to school.  I am very proud of you and I wish you the best.

Have You Ever Been In A Bad Relationship But Was Scared To Get Out? SashaMoniqueTalks Breaking Down Barriers

 Hello, everyone.  Have you ever been in love with someone and you just know that you two cannot get along but deep down you really love this person and don't know how to end the relationship?  Well, I have and it is not a place that I would ever like to revisit. 

 I can remember my heart pounding and the tears flowing.  I remember questioning myself and wondering whether it was my fault that the relationship was not working.  Removing myself from this situation was heartbreaking and very hard to do.

This place and space where I was, was not healthy and I knew that I had to make a move to save myself.  Below, you will see some of the steps that I had to take and where I am now, and how my mindset changed.

How I saved my life.

1. Went to the Library and found self-help books to rebuild my self-esteem and to see where I went wrong in the relationship.
2. Learned to love myself and concentrate on all of my needs.
3. I decided that I would not concentrate on looks when looking for a mate and to see what was in the man's heart and that he was genuinely in love with me instead of in lust with me. lol
4. I sincerely prayed for God's guidance and instruction on how to move forward in a positive way.
5. I made the decision not to date for a while and learn to be happy as a single woman.
6. I kept myself so busy, so I didn't feel like I was missing something.
7. Bought me some special gifts for Valentine's Day to celebrate, me.
8. Started a few hobbies that help to keep my mind off, love and relationships.
9. Went to some events alone and still had a wonderful time.
10. Learned how to have friendships with men, without having the pressure of dating.

I have decided that having a relationship doesn't define who I am.  I am wonderful and fabulous, just the way I am, and really glad that I don't have all the drama that was in my life. 

 Trusting your intuition is a way to avoid getting yourself into dangerous and non-productive situations.  You have to realize what all the red flags are and learn to avoid them at all costs.

When you have high self-worth; Men who would ordinarily talk to you will pass you by and that will make room for men of quality to come into your life.

You deserve a life with a man who will celebrate you and who will add to your life in a positive manner.  Life is short; please do not settle for a man who is unstable because you will be miserable.

I Want To Travel Alone, Should I?

Anonymous Question:  I would like to do some traveling this year but I want to go by myself. I have never done this and I feel a little scared but I want to see the world  I am thinking of going to Japan. What should I do?  I will respect your answer.

Sashamoniquetalks:  It is a very nice feeling to travel but you must keep in mind that going somewhere by yourself can be dangerous, You are very young and in my honest opinion I think you should travel with some friends for your first trip because you need to be very careful going to a country you never traveled to.  There is safety in numbers.

MegaStar After Someone I Am Close To. (Blind Item)

Hello, you all.  I have a blind item, just for you.
There is a young Megastar who has the hots for someone that I am close to. 

 This entertainer is known to chat back and forth with this person and "begging for a date."  Did I say "begging for a date"  He is so desperate for attention and he has been at this for about four years.  I was shown the proof.  He is worth many, many millions.

Of course, I cannot tell you who this person is, but it is very easy to figure out who I am talking about.  Twitter is his best friend and some other social media outlets.  His best friend is (Christian) lol

Is She Really His Daughter? (Blind Item)

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen,

Here is a blind item for you.

There is an entertainer who is known to be in a long marriage and he and his wife live the persona of happiness and fidelity.  They could do no wrong in my eyes; I am a big fan of theirs but, I am sad to report that this man is known for good looks and he has a real "distinctive look".  

I have always heard rumors about him which I will not get into right now.  Has a secret daughter.  Now I don't know if he ever claimed this daughter and I have to add that he is African American and she is supposedly bi-racial although she doesn't appear to be so at all.

She doesn't look like him at all and he has other kids and they look just like him.  This lady is very beautiful and she is over forty-years-old.  She is very poverty stricken and if it is true that she is his daughter, then this is really sad that she has to live this way.  

In all honesty, I believe that this star should take a DNA test because of his "distinctive looks" she should have some identifiable features relating to his.

There are a lot of scammers looking to get the piece of the pie, so to speak.  DNA test was not available when she was born but it can definitely rule out the paternity of this so-called daughter.

If she was found to be his daughter, then she should benefit from her father's fortune.

I Am Dating A Man My Family Thinks Is Beneath Me Financially.

Anonymous Question:  Hi Sashamoniquetalks;  I have been dating a man for eight months and we get along very well but he isn't doing well financially.

  He is four years older than I am but he had a lot of setbacks and I make a lot more money than he does.  This man is really generous with the money that he has but my family thinks he is beneath me.

  Sometimes I feel they are right but they don't know how wonderful he is to me I am trying to have an open mind but should I give this man up for a man with more money?



Sashamoniquetalks:  You told me what job you are in and I will not include it here but you are making so much more than he is.  My question to you is; Is he a hard-working man?  

Does he have your back?  You said that he is very generous with the money that he has and that is very important.

 If this man is willing to better himself and he treats you well, I would tell you to stay with him.  Everybody doesn't have the same opportunities in life and if he is a man who isn't trying to use you for your money I say that there is a chance that this relationship will work out.

  You have only been seeing him for eight months and I say that after a year or more you can see where this relationship is headed.  Your family loves you so they are concerned but take your time and enjoy this relationship and if he continues to treat you well, he may be a man you can have a future with.

She Is A Hot Mess ( Blind Item)

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Here is a blind item for you all.  Yes, yes, I cannot disclose who this person is, so don't even ask.

It is no secret that I am a city girl and I take Mass transit.  I was on the bus a few years ago and this lady came on the bus and she didn't have her fare.  She acted like she was out of her mind.  She was dressed in strange apparel from the 1980s.

 You could tell that she was really nice looking in her day.  You could see her rolling her eyes at some of the other passengers.  I put fare in for her because the driver wanted her off the bus.  

 This interesting lady got off in the next three stops and she stomped off almost bumping into other passengers.  I didn't know who she was but when she got off the bus, another passenger said that they were friends with her brother and she had been very famous back in the day. 

 I will not reveal what industry she was in but the passenger said that she was given "Angel Dust" back in the day and she has been tripping ever since.

She led a life full of drugs and she has not been able to work in the industry since the late 80's.  She has a very interesting and pretty name. 

 After this incident, I did a little research and you would be amazed at how famous she used to be.  I believe if this woman would receive some mental health counseling and medication, she really could come back and do great things.

                                           
                                                        SashaMoniqueTalks

Here Is My First Blind Item For The New Year (2017)

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen,

This is the first blind item that I promised you.  Here it is!

Many years ago I went to a concert to see this singer who really used to charm the ladies with his sexy voice.  I was so excited about going to this concert because this singer doesn't perform much in my area. 

 My friend and I got to the venue and we noticed that it was taking long for this singer to come out  and I happen to look in the doorway and he heard the crowd shouting his name and he was kind of staggering, I told my friend " Look At Him, He's Drunk" and she started laughing and I did too.

He came out and he was soooo drunk he couldn't really sing much of his songs and he came out in the crowd and was trying to sing and everyone was laughing at him.

 After a while, I felt sorry for him.  He has a really legendary song that is still played on the radio on a regular basis.  He started singing this song and he was so drunk, he could hardly get through it.  I don't hear of him performing much because he has also lost his voice.

I hope that you enjoyed this blind item and I will not be able to confirm or deny who this person is.